What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?
12.06.2025 05:12
After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.
TEXT:
Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.
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Make Nazis afraid again!
Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.
Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!
If you received hand-me-downs as a child, how did they make you feel?
Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.
And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...
Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.
What methods do private investigators use to investigate someone in real life?
Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.
Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?
Shameless vixen! Trollop!
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I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.
Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority
Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!
Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.
At least until the peyote kicks in ...
Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.
Women like what they hear while men like what they see, it that true?
Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!
In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …
In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …
Why am I so tired of the keto diet?
Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!
Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!
And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.
Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.
“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”
But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!
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Marijuana makes Jesus cry!
Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)
¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!
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I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.
Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …
Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.
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Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.